


He is nothing if not bold

by Darkdorkchan (Raburabusama)



Series: Miki Saburō needs a route [7]
Category: Hakuouki
Genre: Crossdressing, F/M, Fluff, Kimono, Like nothing but fluff, More Fluff, Mutual Pining, Secret Relationship, Ugh, intensely fluffy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:00:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24980470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raburabusama/pseuds/Darkdorkchan
Summary: Miki has the audacity to seek you out in the middle of the day, in the middle of the Nishi Honganji compound for a chat, and maybe more ;D 7th instalment in the Miki Saburō needs a route series.
Relationships: Miki Saburo (Hakuouki)/Reader
Series: Miki Saburō needs a route [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1401136
Comments: 4
Kudos: 20





	He is nothing if not bold

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, I am truly sorry for abandoning this project for so long, you all deserve better. The painful separation that is ahead seems to be a thing I’m trying to evade with all my strength xD This whole thing I wrote was supposed to be the three opening paragraphs of the actual fic that tears Miki from the Shinsengumi with the Guardians of the Imperial Tomb, but NOPE it just became a fic of its own...

Like you feared, Miki left you to your own devices for a good while after your scandalous patrol together. In retrospect the blatant enthusiasm you both had shown towards each other had been a big lapse in judgement indeed, but to avoid it would have been a task so monumental you could’ve just as well tried to stop breathing altogether. Now you both had to live with the consequences.

You were closely watched, with your safety in mind surely, but Sōma and often also Nomura, so chivalrously tracing your steps was fraying your nerves. The only thing you really wanted was to spend as much time alone as you possible could in the vain hope that Miki might manage to find you. You tried your hardest to not lash out at the well meaning kōhai of yours, but it was hard, and getting harder by the day as they turned into weeks. All the while the bone gnawing chill of Kyōto ate at your body and the crushing loneliness ate at your sanity. You only spied Miki at a distance at best, busy doing his captainly things, and oh how you wished you could cook up another excuse to accompany him on his patrols. But there was just nothing you could do and this helplessness infuriated you the most.

Neither were there any leads to be found about your father’s fate, it was as if he had turned into wind and spirited himself away. You were well and truly stuck in every possible way, not even mentioning the harrowing encounters you had had earlier with a bunch of weirdos calling themselves demons and claiming you were a part of their race. So there was quite a lot on your plate, haunting your nights and nagging at the edges of your mind every waking moment, but somehow you shambled forward. Somehow. 

The lack of sleep made you groggy and dulled your senses, and on one late winter’s day when the sun’s rays started to finally feel warm instead of feeble you sat yourself down on a wide cedar stair leading to one of the lecture halls of the Nishi Honganji compound. Just existing felt exhausting these days. There was gravel yard to sweep as far as the eye could see, a little break wouldn’t hurt. Sōma and Nomura were nowhere to been seen for once, maybe being beaten to a pulp by Nagakura under the pretense of training. Regardless the reason, you tried to savour this moment of solitude, and not fall asleep where you were sitting.

Suddenly all sleep scattered from your brain, for in the distance you saw Miki. He was walking along the engawa of a different hall, alone for once too. You wanted to spring up and run to him, but with tremendous effort you kept yourself in check. Refusing even to move from your perch, your immobility was the only thing keeping you from shattering altogether under all this pressure. Your heart started hammering at thrice the pace when Miki noticed you and then _turned towards you_. This was certainly not supposed to happen. It was just after noon and even now you could see Shinsengumi members going to and fro running their errands, a patrol just leaving from the gate. Entirely too many casual observers for anything really, but as if oblivious to all common sense Miki walked straight to you across the gravel yard you were supposed to be sweeping. 

“Well, well, our diligent page boy lazing on the job, I am shocked,” Miki’s sultry voice jostled your insides even from a distance. Your entire body felt raw with how much you had missed that voice. When you failed to reply to him, Miki closed the last remaining steps between the two of you to take a seat next to you, not quite skin to skin but close enough to make you feel faint. Among the frantic panic roiling within you a warmth spread along with it that burned away any hint of frostbite that might’ve lingered in your limbs.

“I’ve been looking for you,” he said, like it was the most natural thing to say, to do even!

You were so scandalized an all to high pitched “Excuse me?” was the only reply you managed, it made Miki chuckle and lower his eyelids. 

With a low voice, one meant only for the two of you he drawled: “Play along now, lewd girl, before they spot us.”

The redness and your mortified expression made him only grin wider and tilt his head to the side slowly. The midnight blue tresses of his long hair whispered against the silk of his haori, and the sound, his vicinity made a crimson hotness rise within you, but you couldn’t let yourself be toyed with just like this, not after everything. You were used to him already, you tried telling yourself.

“W-Why have you been looking for me?” with a shaky voice you addressed him, loud enough for the possible eavesdroppers to hear and hopefully sounding innocent enough for their liking.

“Well, I’ve been meaning to give you this,” Miki pulled out a small book from the front of his kimono offering it to you. It felt warm against your fingers, having soaked up his warmth, the sensation was enough to send a giddy shiver coursing through you. The winding brushwork on the cover made another wave of elation wash over you.

“This year’s first collection of kimono fashions?” dumbly you asked, trying to keep the squeal from out of your voice. 

“Haha, indeed,” Miki’s satisfied laughter was like fresh sparks into you fire, “no need to wait for the booklender.” 

You couldn’t even dream of affording the brand new fashion books, having to wait for months for them to trickle down to the booklenders who rented out them and many other books for a fraction of the price of the actual book. Even Miki with his captain’s salary would be hard pressed to afford one just so, but here it was. The shiny whiteness of the pages and the freshness of the colours on the woodblock printed pages was breathtaking.

“S-sab–,” you swallowed the name back in, reluctantly after seeing how Miki’s face lit up at your stumble, then louder, “ Miki-san, I..” 

You were completely robbed of words, reeling, “Th-thank you – I don’t–”

“Just seeing your silly face like that is all the thank you I need,” his growl was a bit too low and a bit too loud to your liking, but it made your smile widen all the more.

“Like I said before, finding a man of taste is such a rarity in this place it would be a waste not to lend you that book,” his voice was again in the daytime pitch and tone, he leant his weight on his elbows stretching on the stairs. Up on display to your starving eyes, he was doing it on purpose. The wicked grin spreading on his lips was a dead give away, he even had the audacity to wink. You coiled into even a tighter ball, along with the heady need coiling tighter within you, putting pressure on your throbbing sex, agitated so bad with only his presence. Your eyes drank the boldly open front of his kimono, so generously exposing his cleavage even in this freezing weather, not to even mention the ever present cord tied around his neck, the one which never failed to make your heart skip a beat when your eyes devoured the way its long ends teased down his bared skin, then down to his long legs silhouetted in the folds of his grey hakama.

“Thank you, Miki-san, really, I’ll take good care of it and return it to you when you need it,” somehow you managed to summon a rather normal sounding, lowered voice from the chaos roaring within you. Miki smiled like he was proud of you, and it was just another bruising hit onto your shambling, rickety grasp of the facade of normalcy.

“No rush, and I will be awaiting your impressions on them,” he smiled the image of nonchalant amicability. A short silence stretched between the two of you, your head filled with a dozen things you wanted to tell him, but none of them could be uttered out loud here on the yard, soaked in daylight. Your eyes were locked though, and in the silence you saw a hint of a similar longing in Miki’s silent gaze as the one eating you alive. It hurt, but this agony was slightly more bearable than the loneliness. Sighing Miki broke the spell you had been weaving between the two of you, letting his gaze linger on the open courtyard.

“I’ll just never get used to this coldness, not after all these years either,” he moaned out changing the subject completely, aggravation colouring his words.

“Nights are the worst, right? The cold crawls right into your futon. I’m sure a little twig like you is frozen to the bone,” he added, tone dipping into that familiar deepness towards the end. It made a brighter hotness buzz inside you.

Despite your best effort not to, your eager imagination offered you a fantasy mixed with memory of Miki’s naked, silky skin underneath your palm as you snuggled as close as you physically could to his warm body. In your mind’s eye the hand gently caressed down the expanse his side, stopping only at the impeccably delicious contours of his bones and muscles where his thigh joined with his hip. Your mouth watered and gaze went all blurry with the thought alone. Nothing made the unbearable Kyōto winters worse than having to endure them alone, without him to keep you warm. Your only reply was a small sound of unadulterated need escaping from the back of your throat as you struggled to even breathe. You felt the smug smirk Miki was giving you, it only worsened your predicament.

As if he had been waiting for a good spot to barge in Yamazaki appeared from behind the lecture hall corner, “Excuse me, but we need to start preparing for– ” he paused as if surprised to see Miki there with you, “You’ve not swept the yard yet?”

“No, I’m sorry!” you scampered up and bowed deep, “I was feeling a bit sick so I had to take a break.” A furious blush spread onto your face, embarrassed to be found skipping work and cursing internally for being caught with Miki so quickly.

“Working the pages to the bone I see,” Miki chimed in from behind you, you heard him get up and saw Yamazaki’s face darkening as his attention shifted to him.

He was already formulating an icily courteous retort, but Miki didn’t give him the opportunity to say it, interrupting him before he even began, “No rush with the book, let us discuss it with some tea and dango when the weather is less punishing, ne?”

Shook to your core you glanced over your shoulder to him and he couldn’t stifle a laugh at your horrified expression. He waved a casual goodbye and was on his way, your head was reeling with how rash and plain stupid that last comment had been, but then again Miki had such tendencies, had always had. 

When you finally dared to look Yamazaki in the eye he looked like a snowstorm approaching.  
“I’m sorry, he – just wanted to lend me a book on kimono,” with a tiny voice you tried to explain.

“He’s just trying to get into your good graces to pry out our secrets from you,” Yamazaki’s tone was venomous enough to make you flinch, “Thinking a kid like you easy prey.”

“I know,” you tried really hard to sound like you did know even if it was Yamazaki who had no idea, “But I couldn’t just refuse him!”

“I guess you couldn’t. Come now, time’s a-waisting. You can finish the sweeping before sun sets,” he was already going and you clambered after him, pushing the booklet into the bosom of your own kimono. Fitting snugly against your bound chest it felt like it was spreading a warm golden glow all over your body. You could swear it smelled a bit like him, and that too made your heart skip like a colt on fresh pastures.

Maybe to protect you from further advances by one Miki Saburō or to punish you from your misjudgements Yamazaki kept you on a short leash for the rest of the day heaping a task upon task for you to complete. You were not granted a moment’s respite alone, and the other two pages were called to help with sweeping the grounds under the guise of helping you out. At least they made the work much quicker with their eager assistance. You were in such high spirits their antics felt endearing instead of annoying for once, for which you were grateful. They didn’t deserve your short tempered snappishness.

Only after a late supper were you allowed to retreat to your private room to rest. You suspected your door would be observed for a while, too, after all that had transpired, but you were sure, almost sure at least, that Miki wouldn’t be foolish enough to seek you out again so soon, especially in private like this.

Lighting the small hand lantern that was your night light you slowly, with reverent hands took out the booklet you had pressed against your chest protectively all day long. It was warm, and while you knew it was your own body warmth that had kept it so you were sure a faint hint of Miki’s warmth was still mingled there. A smile spread onto your face now that you finally could let it, here in the privacy of your own room. 

Another thing you had been dying to do all day you also did, bringing the book against your face and inhaling deep. It felt a bit unhinged thing to do, but you did it anyway, savouring the faint trace of Miki’s favourite incense in the paper, maybe even a whiff of his own scent. You missed it with aching acuteness, and even this little made goosebumps raise all over your skin as a hot thrill ran down your spine. In his absence this had to do.

The book itself, or a booklet really with only thirty or so pages, was a marvelous piece of work with at least four different plates for colour and one for mica to add that flamboyant glimmer to the designs. It had to have cost a fortune you mused, stopping to admire each perfectly executed page for many long moments.

A folded note slipped between the second to last spread, startling you from your reverie. With trembling hands you unfolded it, nerves wracked with the possibility of having accidentally let this secret note slip from between the pages in front of someone else.

With elegant brushmanship the words “Would look good on you.” were the only thing written on it. The note was of a slightly nicer paper, with a few specks of gold leaf mixed into the fibre, and the scent of incense was even stronger. It all made you giggle; the almost needless extravagance contrasted with Miki’s curt, but all the more endearing words. It was just _so him_. Elegance mixed with abrasive, shortspokeness, the sort that rattled anyone with a smidgen of polite restraint. 

Heart pounding against your ribs you opened the spread to spy an furisode kimono with a refined ume blossom motif, it was a kimono of the first promises of spring. The colours, of course restricted by the printing process, where a mix of charmingly blending tones you found to be very pleasing. A white half moon adorned the left shoulder reminding you of all the nightly secrets the two of you shared. Suddenly your eyes stung with hot tears, threatening to overflow to the page. You were engulfed in the hot affection and the keening need you had for this man, evoked by this seemingly small gesture, that for you was anything but. It was the first tangible thing he’d given you, and a dangerous artefact that could spell doom for you both in the wrong hands.

You didn’t even want to imagine what would’ve happened if Yamazaki had found it. Miki was starting to take a few too many risks, but you were intensely grateful for each and every one of them. Like you would treasure this little note to the end of your days you were sure, hiding it away in your own papers so no outsider would find it, or if they did would not be able to decipher the meaning.

Swallowing the tears you laid out your futon, hastily changing into your night garb in the cold room. You set the lantern next to your pillow, staring still at the kimono Miki had chosen for you, among all of them it was the most beautiful in your eyes, too. For a moment you allowed yourself to entertain fantastical thoughts like trying to decide what sort of obi you’d choose with the kimono, and obijime too, never to forget the kanzashi and ornaments you’d decorate your hair with. Or how he’d smile at your exquisite good taste when the two of you would roam Gion fitting right in with the fashionable city folk there. Like two fish in a shoal of elegance. These were painful and dangerous fancies to have, for as soon as you woke from the the torment of your loneliness would return threefold, but not having them was never an option either.

Letting out a long sigh you blew the candle in your lamp, settling in for one more night of fitful sleep. Tonight, might be slightly different though, as you pulled the thin book beneath the thick winter futon. Not quite daring to embrace it against your chest you rested your palm on the cover, taking strength in it and sending all your desperate love to the owner of the book sleeping somewhere at the other end of the compound.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading this far! As always I appreciate feedback, kudos & everything to death ^^  
> I’m optimistic that I’ll be able to go on with the pain part now that I got the engine rolling again. Cross your fingers for me, please :''''3


End file.
